Imagine you’re chatting with a friend over coffee when they suddenly look panicked, struggle to breathe, and begin trembling. You’re unsure what’s happening or how to help, and they’re convinced something is seriously wrong. This could be a panic attack, a sudden and intense wave of fear that can feel overwhelming for everyone involved.
Panic attacks can happen without warning, and while they are not life threatening, they can be incredibly distressing. That’s why knowing what to do when someone is having a panic attack is so important. Responding calmly and supportively helps your loved one feel safer in the moment and builds trust for the future.
Key Takeaways
- Stay calm and present to help ground the person during a panic attack
- Validate their experience instead of trying to fix or minimize it
- Understand their unique needs, as everyone experiences panic attacks differently
Understanding Panic Attacks
What Happens During a Panic Attack
When someone experiences a panic attack, their body launches into full fight-or-flight mode despite no real danger being present. The physical symptoms are very real and can include a rapid heart rate that makes their heart pounds against their chest, profuse sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, and dizziness.
Psychologically, the person is flooded with intense fear and a sense of impending doom. They may feel like they’re losing control or that something catastrophic is about to happen. This intense mental experience creates a feedback loop that can make the attack feel overwhelming.
Most panic attacks peak within the first few minutes and typically last between 5-20 minutes total. However, the fear overwhelms their rational thinking, making it difficult for them to remember that the attack will pass.
Common Warning Signs
Early warning signs can include:
- Restlessness and increased worry
- Changes in breathing patterns
- Feeling disconnected from reality
- Physical sensations like tingling
- Sudden feelings of dread
However, unexpected panic attacks can also strike completely without warning, even during sleep or relaxation. Not everyone has clear triggers, and there isn’t always a clear cause.
Your Step-by-Step Action Plan
Stay Calm and Remain Calm
Your ability to stay calm is the foundation of effective help. When you remain calm, you become a stabilizing presence that can help ground the person experiencing the attack. Take slow, deep breaths yourself and keep your voice steady and reassuring.
Avoid panicking yourself or showing visible anxiety, as this can worsen their symptoms. Remember that panic attacks, while frightening, are not dangerous and will pass.
Assess Safety and Environment
Quickly evaluate if you’re in a safe location. If possible, gently guide them to a quiet, private space away from crowds or distractions. This helps reduce external stimuli that might intensify their symptoms.
Stay nearby and let them know you’re there for support. Sometimes just knowing someone is present can provide comfort during the intense mental experience of a panic attack.
Ask How You Can Help
Different people experience panic attacks in their own way and have different preferences for support. Simply ask: “What can I do to help you right now?” or “What do you need from me?”
Some may want you to talk them through it, while others prefer quiet presence. Some find physical touch comforting, while others need space. Respect their immediate needs and don’t take short or curt responses personally.
Effective Communication Strategies
What TO Say:
- “You’re safe right now”
- “This will pass”
- “I’m here with you”
- “You can get through this”
- “Tell me what you need”
- “Focus on your breathing”
What NOT to Say:
- “Just relax” or “calm down”
- “There’s nothing to be afraid of”
- “You’re overreacting”
- “It’s all in your head”
Use short, simple sentences and avoid telling them what they should or shouldn’t feel. The symptoms of panic are real and distressing, even though there’s no actual danger present.
Proven Grounding Techniques
Breathing Support
Help them breathe slowly and deeply, but don’t force specific breathing patterns. You can breathe with them or count slowly to help regulate their breathing. Avoid the outdated paper bag method, which can be dangerous.
Talking slowly and encouraging them to match your pace can help. Say something like: “Let’s breathe together. In… and out… nice and slow.”
Physical Grounding Methods
Try these grounding techniques to help them focus on the present moment:
5-4-3-2-1 Technique:
- 5 things they can see
- 4 things they can touch
- 3 things they can hear
- 2 things they can smell
- 1 thing they can taste
Other grounding options:
- Offer a textured object to hold and focus on
- Encourage gentle movement like stamping feet
- Hold their hand if they’re comfortable with touch
- Ask them to describe familiar places or activities
Relaxation Techniques
Once the intense phase begins to subside, quiet relaxation can be helpful. Encourage them to sit comfortably and focus on slowing their breathing. Some people find it helpful to repeat calming phrases or mantras. Remember that grounding techniques work best when the person is familiar with them. During an active attack, avoid introducing complex new techniques they’ve never tried before.
What NOT to Do
Avoid These Common Mistakes:
- Don’t compare their experience to normal stress: Panic attacks are different from everyday anxiety or fear. Even if you’ve experienced stress or anxiety, avoid saying “I know how you feel” unless you’ve also experienced panic attacks.
- Don’t give unsolicited advice: Resist the urge to suggest breathing exercises, lifestyle changes, or coping strategies during the attack. Most people who experience frequent panic attacks already know various techniques, and being told what to do can feel overwhelming.
- Don’t minimize their experience: Never say things like “it’s not that bad” or “you’ll be fine.” Their fear and physical symptoms are very real, even though there’s no actual danger.
- Don’t force activities: After an attack, the person may feel exhausted and need quiet relaxation. Don’t insist on continuing planned activities if they’re not ready.
Supporting Long-Term Recovery
Encouraging Professional Help
If someone experiences frequent panic attacks, encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional. A clinical social worker, therapist, or psychiatrist can provide proper assessment and treatment options.
Treatment for panic disorder might include:
- Talk therapy (cognitive-behavioral therapy is particularly effective)
- Exposure therapy for specific triggers
- Medication like serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors if recommended
- Learning long-term coping strategies
Family and Relationship Support
Panic attacks do not just affect the person experiencing them; they impact entire families and social networks. Family therapy can help everyone learn effective support strategies and understand how anxiety affects daily life. Be patient with their recovery process. People with panic disorder may avoid certain situations or need accommodations in their routine. Support their treatment decisions and celebrate small progress.
Building a Support Network
Connect them with resources like:
- Support groups through the Anxiety and Depression Association of America
- Mental health professionals who specialize in anxiety disorders
- Educational materials about panic disorder
- Crisis hotlines for additional support
When to Seek Emergency Help
Most panic attacks resolve on their own and don’t require emergency medical help. However, call for medical help if:
- Chest pain feels like squeezing and spreads to arms or shoulders
- Symptoms last longer than 20 minutes and worsen
- They have no history of panic attacks and symptoms mimic a heart attack
- You’re unsure whether it’s a panic attack or another medical condition
- They express thoughts of self-harm
Remember, it’s always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to chest pain and breathing difficulties.
Self-Care for Supporters
Supporting someone with panic disorder can be emotionally challenging, so it’s important to care for your own mental health too. Set clear boundaries, seek support when you need it, and take time to learn about anxiety disorders so you can better understand what your loved one is going through.
While you can’t cure their panic attacks, your support still makes a difference. Celebrate the small wins, stay patient, and remember that recovery is possible with the right treatment and a strong support system.
Conclusion
Helping someone through a panic attack can feel overwhelming, especially when you care deeply about their well-being. But your calm presence, thoughtful words, and willingness to listen can make a powerful difference. By learning how to respond with patience and compassion, you are not only easing the immediate distress but also helping them feel safe, understood, and supported in the long run.
If someone you love in Massachusetts is struggling with panic attacks or other mental health conditions, you do not have to navigate it alone. At Kieval Counseling, we offer evidence based therapy and compassionate support tailored to both individuals and families. With the right tools and guidance, your support can make a significant difference in their recovery. Contact us at 781-369-5644 to take the first step.
FAQs
How do you comfort someone with a panic attack?
Stay calm, speak in a gentle voice, and ask what they need rather than assuming. Validate their experience by saying things like “You’re safe” and “This will pass” while avoiding phrases like “just relax.”
How to fight a panic attack?
Focus on grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.) and slow, controlled breathing. Remember that panic attacks naturally peak and subside within 5-20 minutes, so try to ride it out rather than fighting against it.
How do I stop panic attacks ASAP?
Use immediate grounding techniques, focus on slow breathing, and remind yourself that the attack will pass naturally. While you can’t instantly stop a panic attack, these methods can help reduce intensity and duration.
Can a shower help with panic attacks?
Yes, a warm shower can be helpful as the water provides sensory grounding and the routine can be calming. The temperature change and physical sensation can help redirect focus away from panic symptoms, though this works better as a prevention strategy than during an active attack.
